The sense of nothingness
of pain and agony
of sleepless nights and uncried wails
of nights of terrible darkness and solitude
of drunken revelrie
and of course the countless nights
when i fidget and flip flop
when the bedsheet goes wet with sweat
and when sedatives dont work
Of those nights when my mind
is filled with stray words with no strings
no appendages and links
only ellipses...
bleak, barren and weary
when my senses have been stripped,
and my hands can't feel to grip
My toes too numb
and the nervous sleeplessness making me feel like putting a bullet through my head.
Sadly i dont own a gun !
My favorite poem
Perhaps this could have stayed unstated.
Had our words turned to other things
In the grey park, the rain abated,
Life would have quickened other strings.
I list your gifts in this creation:
Pen, paper, ink and inspiration,
Peace to the heart with touch or word,
Ease to the soul with note and chord.
How did that walk, those winter hours,
Occasion this? No lightning came;
Nor did I sense, when touched by flame,
Our story lit with borrowed powers -
Rather, by what our spirits burned,
Embered in words, to us returned.
Read this in the the epigraph to An Equal Music by Vikram Seth, fell in love with it instantly, maybe also because i was going through the motions of picking up broken pieces of my life and instantly identified with the poem. Today almost 6 to 7 years thence, it still evokes feelings and memories unparalleled. I still wish to have the ability to put in the words the sentiments above.
I guess my feelings are best expressed by VS's last line in "Dubious" from Mappings:"What is my status: Stray? Or Great?"
Had our words turned to other things
In the grey park, the rain abated,
Life would have quickened other strings.
I list your gifts in this creation:
Pen, paper, ink and inspiration,
Peace to the heart with touch or word,
Ease to the soul with note and chord.
How did that walk, those winter hours,
Occasion this? No lightning came;
Nor did I sense, when touched by flame,
Our story lit with borrowed powers -
Rather, by what our spirits burned,
Embered in words, to us returned.
Read this in the the epigraph to An Equal Music by Vikram Seth, fell in love with it instantly, maybe also because i was going through the motions of picking up broken pieces of my life and instantly identified with the poem. Today almost 6 to 7 years thence, it still evokes feelings and memories unparalleled. I still wish to have the ability to put in the words the sentiments above.
I guess my feelings are best expressed by VS's last line in "Dubious" from Mappings:"What is my status: Stray? Or Great?"
In my moments of raw desolation and bleakness, i still wonder whether my life would have been different and happier if i had taken a few decisions differently ?
The play is obviously in the fact that i will never ever know. I guess its just the temporal nature of all things in my life for the last few months that add to it and aggravate it.
The play is obviously in the fact that i will never ever know. I guess its just the temporal nature of all things in my life for the last few months that add to it and aggravate it.
Ah those Sunday mornings !!!
Having little to do, i've turned into a bit of a couch potato.
Sunday mornings had a ritualistic order when i was a kid, waking up to the tunes of Rangoli, breakfast while watching telly, Ramayan and Mahabharat, and a milieu of small screen wonders like Indradhanush, Jungle Book, Potli Baba ki, Stone Boy, Gayab Aaya, Vikram-Betal, Street Hawk,... the list is endless.
Anyways cut to circa 2009, when sattelite TV is being upstaged by DTH, it was pleasantly touching
to see 2 episodes (back to back) of the Mahabharat being broadcasted on Fox History and Entertainment on weekends. (I just happened to watch a commercial for the same and a very well made one at that and have been trying to catch up whenever i can wake up by 9 on weekends.) Interestingly, the episode(s) 23 n 24 shown on the 25th Jan was a real treat (as are almost all of the episodes).
It is as defining a moment in the epic as any, the young princes (Pandavas and Kauravas) were now young and had completed their training and education under Dronacharya and Kripacharya, and come out in a public demonstration of their skills. The 2 most interesting moments were: 1. When Bheem and Duryodhan come to blows with their maces, and the "rangbhoomi" becomes a "ranbhoomi" and their fight is stopped; and 2. When Arjun had completely mesmerised the audience with his skills in archery, and Drona proclaims him to be the best archer in the world.
Lo behold! in comes Karna (the eldest of Kunti's sons, born out of a boon given by Durvasa, fathered By Surya, the sun-god), however, despite recognising him as he challenges Arjun (Through the Kavaj (armour) and Kundal(earrings), Kunti is unable to reclaim her son born before her marriage to Pandu.
However the challenge is dismissed by Drona as he points out that only a kshatriya prince could challenge another, while Adhirath (Karna's foster father and Dhritarashtra's charioteer) emerges from the crowd. At this juncture, Duryodhana see's an opportunity of defeating Arjun and seizes it by crowninh him the King of Angdesh, a region he had claim to. This not only marks the beginning of a famous friendship between them, but also for the first time brings the 3 most celebrated warriors of the epic on the same stage: Bhishma or Devavrata, son of Shantanu and Ganga and an incarnate of Prabhasa or Dyaus (Sky father) the grandest of all in the epic, celebrated and named Bhishma for the terrible vows he had taken. Karna, the son of Surya / the Sun God himself and Kunti, celibrated for his valour and loyalty, and Arjuna, the son of Kunti and Indra (again from the boon Kunti had been blessed with as a maiden), arguably the greatest archer of his age and the most handsome of the Pandavas.
Together, the trio form the core of the mythology, not to mention Krishna, Duryodhan and Yudhistir who play their parts in the grand epic that is considered as the base of Hindu dharma.
Interestingly, the destiny of all three are inevitably linked to each other. While Bhishma pitamaha, the great father is undisputedly the greatest force, as he could choose the time of his death, and Karna unjustly robbed of his right to the throne and forever doomed by his parentage as well as the curse of Parashuram his teacher, who destines his death, are interconnected by their teacher Parashuram, as well as their allegience to the throne of Hastinapur. Arjun, is Bhishma's favorite and had an unparalleled rivalry with Karna, to the claim of being the greatest archer in the world. While both, Bhishma and Karna fall to Arjuna's arrows, albeit with the help of the cunning Krishna. Both, could have arguably, won the battle at Kurukshetra by themselves.
But then Krishna had other ideas and the story takes its own twists...
Coming back to the episode, as the arguments between Duryodhan and the Pandava's reach a crescendo, and he challenges all five pandavas, the competition is called to close as sunset signals the end of the event and "kshatriya dharma" does not allow for fights post sundow!
Pheww a tantalising episode comes to an end, now for next weekend for more.
To be contd...
Sunday mornings had a ritualistic order when i was a kid, waking up to the tunes of Rangoli, breakfast while watching telly, Ramayan and Mahabharat, and a milieu of small screen wonders like Indradhanush, Jungle Book, Potli Baba ki, Stone Boy, Gayab Aaya, Vikram-Betal, Street Hawk,... the list is endless.
Anyways cut to circa 2009, when sattelite TV is being upstaged by DTH, it was pleasantly touching
to see 2 episodes (back to back) of the Mahabharat being broadcasted on Fox History and Entertainment on weekends. (I just happened to watch a commercial for the same and a very well made one at that and have been trying to catch up whenever i can wake up by 9 on weekends.) Interestingly, the episode(s) 23 n 24 shown on the 25th Jan was a real treat (as are almost all of the episodes).
It is as defining a moment in the epic as any, the young princes (Pandavas and Kauravas) were now young and had completed their training and education under Dronacharya and Kripacharya, and come out in a public demonstration of their skills. The 2 most interesting moments were: 1. When Bheem and Duryodhan come to blows with their maces, and the "rangbhoomi" becomes a "ranbhoomi" and their fight is stopped; and 2. When Arjun had completely mesmerised the audience with his skills in archery, and Drona proclaims him to be the best archer in the world.
Lo behold! in comes Karna (the eldest of Kunti's sons, born out of a boon given by Durvasa, fathered By Surya, the sun-god), however, despite recognising him as he challenges Arjun (Through the Kavaj (armour) and Kundal(earrings), Kunti is unable to reclaim her son born before her marriage to Pandu.
However the challenge is dismissed by Drona as he points out that only a kshatriya prince could challenge another, while Adhirath (Karna's foster father and Dhritarashtra's charioteer) emerges from the crowd. At this juncture, Duryodhana see's an opportunity of defeating Arjun and seizes it by crowninh him the King of Angdesh, a region he had claim to. This not only marks the beginning of a famous friendship between them, but also for the first time brings the 3 most celebrated warriors of the epic on the same stage: Bhishma or Devavrata, son of Shantanu and Ganga and an incarnate of Prabhasa or Dyaus (Sky father) the grandest of all in the epic, celebrated and named Bhishma for the terrible vows he had taken. Karna, the son of Surya / the Sun God himself and Kunti, celibrated for his valour and loyalty, and Arjuna, the son of Kunti and Indra (again from the boon Kunti had been blessed with as a maiden), arguably the greatest archer of his age and the most handsome of the Pandavas.
Together, the trio form the core of the mythology, not to mention Krishna, Duryodhan and Yudhistir who play their parts in the grand epic that is considered as the base of Hindu dharma.
Interestingly, the destiny of all three are inevitably linked to each other. While Bhishma pitamaha, the great father is undisputedly the greatest force, as he could choose the time of his death, and Karna unjustly robbed of his right to the throne and forever doomed by his parentage as well as the curse of Parashuram his teacher, who destines his death, are interconnected by their teacher Parashuram, as well as their allegience to the throne of Hastinapur. Arjun, is Bhishma's favorite and had an unparalleled rivalry with Karna, to the claim of being the greatest archer in the world. While both, Bhishma and Karna fall to Arjuna's arrows, albeit with the help of the cunning Krishna. Both, could have arguably, won the battle at Kurukshetra by themselves.
But then Krishna had other ideas and the story takes its own twists...
Coming back to the episode, as the arguments between Duryodhan and the Pandava's reach a crescendo, and he challenges all five pandavas, the competition is called to close as sunset signals the end of the event and "kshatriya dharma" does not allow for fights post sundow!
Pheww a tantalising episode comes to an end, now for next weekend for more.
To be contd...